


However Vast The Darkness

by silasfinch



Category: The Tunnel (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 07:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12164226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: A romantic yet (hopefully) realistic continuation of the Eryka and Elise story as told through the love of poetry of wider Europe and atypical neurological development.A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.Until I even believe that you own the universe.I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells, dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.Pablo Neruda, Poem XIV: "Every Day You Play" from "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair"





	However Vast The Darkness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThisOldThing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisOldThing/gifts).



> I have done my best to make this realistic but I am only now rewatching the episodes so I may have left out some important canon details please let me know if that is the case.  
> Thanks to everybody who writes in this fandom, I thought I was the only one enchanted by these two. 
> 
> I am also dyslexic so please be gentle with any corrections of grammar or tenses, I have done my best

The most terrifying _fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death —_ however _mutable man may be able to make them — our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfillment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light._

Stanley Kubrick

 

_I do not love you except because I love you;_

_I go from loving to not loving you,_

_From waiting to not waiting for you_

_My heart moves from cold to fire._

_\- Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXVI from "100 Love Sonnets"._

 

 

FRANCE 2016 I

 

They need to wait before evaluating if there is any permanent damage to her eye

 

Elise Wassermann is something of an expert at waiting for evaluation after all her life consists of a long series of them, some successful others not.

 

Her parents took her to an endless succession of doctors and other specialists, fretful over why she was developing so differently from Manon. They could not understand why she maintained such a distance from her classmates, why her report cards were full of academic praise but social concern.

 

Amidst the grief, Elise faces constant evaluation after Manon death and its immediate aftermath. There is real concern that her psyche will not stand such an insult, especially when her parents seem unable to communicate with her on any level beyond ensuring her survival.

 

 

School and Work blend into a series of achievements, accidents and assessments. She does not easily fit into any of their boxes no matter how many tests she takes, Too exceptional and too awkward in equal measure.

 

Her parents are too wounded to care either way.

 

She is sitting in her apartment, different but the same in all but address, doing compulsory eye rests when a package slips her door. This apartment has high security, and her communication with Gaël or Laurent ceased long ago.

 

Karl is at home reconnecting with Laura and the kids. He is proudly shouldering the lion's share of the responsibilities with twins and as far as Elise can determine is not having sex with Danica the Au Par.

 

So with the Roebucks off the list, few people would contact her spontaneously. The stream of food, cards and attention thankfully is no more but Laura still insists she comes to dinner once a week.

 

It does not surprise Elise to find a thin volume of French Love Poems in the bag; a single quote is on the front page in familiar handwriting. The experts believe that the writing is deliberately generic, beautiful styled but n distinctive in any way.

 

Victor Hogo

Guillaume Apollinaire

Arthur Rimbau

 

The poets are all familiar, but the edition is not nor is the colourful cloth painted bookmark

 

_“Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings.”_

 

Elise is too distracted by the surge of emotion to notice the simple cipher at first, but her analytical mind quickly overrides sentiment.

 

A long string of coordinates and a time to meet.

 

 

 

FRANCE 2016 II

 

Eryka Klein is an expert at dying and disappearing.

 

There is no room for attachments.

 

She firmly believes that in the aftermath of Jonas's death and the proceeding abuse, her mind and her soul fractured. Nothing is tethering her to this world except the need to survive and the need for revenge; she is not going to let the specters that haunt her at night win, claim a final victory, her only real ideology is to win and make a mark in this world that failed her so badly.

 

Her reinvention this time is almost flawless, aided of course by the amount of information she collates on all sides and her many contingency plans and identities in multiple countries.

 

She is an under a kill order at any moment, but such an action would be messy for either side. Conveniently all parties are avoiding complications at the moment.

 

She has lived under worst threats in her life.

 

For all her planning she cannot let Elise go, at least not entirely.

 

The anomaly that is Elise Wassermann refuses to align with any of her plans no matter what angle she was playing initially.

 

Instead of hiding in central Australia she is sitting in a nondescript AirB&B far outside Calais waiting for a lover that is unlikely to appear.

 

She knows that Elise is ok, her contacts can at least tell her that much. Her eye will always be sore, and she may be susceptible to migraines, but she will recover. However, they can not tell her the information she most craves; they can not say if Ericka permanently destroyed the light in her solemn face.

 

It is almost 4 pm if Elise is coming at all she will be precisely on time.

 

There is a knock at the door 3 minutes later.

 

“I never meant to cause you such pain” surprisingly it is Erika who blurts the first on her mind, legendary control or not.

 

“Your perception of primary and collateral damage make that difficult to believe. Why is my life any more valuable than the 110 people floating in the English Channel?”

 

“It is to me.”

 

The words are hollow

 

Elise stays anyway.

 

 

 

DENMARK  

 

Elise is developing a love of literature, flowers and drawing.

 

No questions the sudden influence of poetry books – including a Danish collection

 

_“Warning signs not to be seen_

_Being warned but not knowing_

_Unsuspecting they fell_

_Into the traps of the dark_

_Bringing panic upon them_

_Tried to flee but failing.”_

_Terrified but united they stand together_

_They helped and supported one another_

_United till the end, but not to forget_

_Love the broken ones» Stefani Nicole Jeppesen_

 

A second bookmark is resting in the jacket of the hardcopy with another cipher on it. Eyrka is doing this for security purposes, but she also suspects the other woman simply enjoys challenging her mind.

 

 

Her support circle, which has grown too large for her liking, takes delight in this development. Everybody from Olivier to Lousie insists that she needs interests outside of work and the gentle suggestions become mandatory after this latest episode. It is one of the stipulations from compulsory psychiatrist she is seeing twice a week that she expand her horizons.

 

Dr. Campell is an expert in Autism Spectrum Disorder, which she may or may not have, and neatly parries her evasions and false commitments.

 

Elise finds she does not mind the sessions too much; she does not tell him anything meaningful of course, it’s a matter of principle. However, he does not seem offended by her silences and does not push her for in-depth information about her feelings or childhood, He enthusiastically approvals of her new lists of diversions, even more, when she begins voluntarily showing him drawings. They start expanding their topics of conversation beyond work and the Roebucks.

 

It is a convenient cover, and it turns out drawing is an exercise in geometry and problem solving, making the pieces fit together.

 

Elise also has both leave and mandatory stand-down periods backed up for years and Olivier, for all his intentions, cannot overlook this anymore.

 

It is easy to schedule times to see a new show, lecture or reading throughout the capitals of Europe.

 

Even if she is followed, she makes an annoying target.

 

Even the best tracker would struggle at the Copenhagen Book Fair, especially with the entirely random routes and AirB&B's limited regular systems.

 

Erya seems determined to supply her with years worth of rare books and collections on a single trip; she takes such delight in this that Elise does not protest the excess baggage costs that this will occur.

 

"We cannot keep doing this"

 

"I know."

 

This ritual warning is formulae and feels more like an obligation than a genuine rebuke.

 

Eryka leads her through the house and straight to the bedroom; they don't have much time this visit, Elise does not want to contemplate what Eryka is committed to now.

 

They always speak better without words getting in the way.

 

The former German citizen (Elise does regular checks on her own time) is tender and loving, Elise is confident she knows the difference now.

 

They talk about their siblings long into the night.

 

Elise surprises herself by crying just a little at the particular intense memory of the summer before the accident.

 

Eyrka does not mention her brother or their abuse much, but when she does it makes Elise sad beyond measure, and she sees more clearly how this version of Eyrka came into existence.

 

 

 

NORWAY

 

The book of Norweign poetry is resting on her stoop when she gets back from a particularly trying and demanding case, which did not have Karl's calming influence to make things bearable.

 

"And love turned out to be the origin of the world and its master; but all of its roads are filled with flowers and blood, flowers and blood."

 

Norway is a beautiful country both in nature and the artistic culture. It is highlighted to walk the famous Oslo Sculpture Park in the middle of winter at midnight.

 

Eryka talks about her unrealised aspirations to attend art school and the hopes that remain in her heart for Jonas and the life they lost decades ago.

 

Karl knows or suspects what is going on.

 

He does not mention anything to get directly nor does he comment on her increased leave. He gently shifts the subject when Laura begins to speculate on the new man in her life or how her 'trial periods are going.'

 

His loyalty is probably due to her discretion about his infidelity and failings as a parent. She does not mention that it is disinterest rather than loyalty.

 

It is nice to have a concerned friend all the same. He pretends not to understand when she comments on a particular essayist or poet, but he and Laura still manage to source her several rare first editions. In a surprising move

Laura even uses her specialist eye to construct an elaborate series of book spaces in her living area. The work is much more personalised than she is comfortable with using but the shelves are practical, and she likes seeing the growing collection.

 

 

A surprise when she returns from Norway.

 

 

Karl's wife confides once that she enjoys the influence that their friend has on her husband, and that hopes they can be friends.

 

Elise cannot recall a time when she has ever been considered a positive influence on anyone, least of all in their personal lives.

 

"Are you saying that because I still have no interest in sleeping with your husband?" is all she can think to say.

 

Laura pauses but does not seem affronted.

 

"There are elements of that yes, but mainly he is more diligent and careful, more likely to come back to me in one piece."

 

 

 

AMSTERDAM

 

Elise enjoys having sex with Eryka.

 

She enjoys the physical sensation purely for its sake.

 

 

This fact is almost as difficult to reconcile as her love for the other women. Never have the two aspects insisted in the same person before, the emotion and the attraction.

 

“I don’t think I ever orgasmed before I met, at least properly anyway” the words are typically blunt.

 

Amsterdam and its cliches seem as good a place as any for this conversations. They avoid the Red Light districts. Eryka knows her too well even to contemplate such a move.

 

That does not prevent her from sending Elise some erotic and exact sapphic French poetry by an author she has never heard of that suggests steps she suspects are anatomically difficult if not outright dangerous, she decided not to share her thoughts with Louise on their semi-regular catchups before the trip.

 

 

Eryka must have read the books too. She treats seducing Elise like a challenge, she exhausts her into a relaxed state for the entire might and asks Elise to detail what makes her feel best. The process takes a considerable long game as Elise is hesitant and confused by both by her own body and the question but Eryka is a master of the long game and never has the heart been more enjoyable, hence the odd rejoiner.

 

“that makes me sad” her partner does not look away, does not flinch at her turn of phrase.

 

For 90 minutes each time she has the spy’s complete attention.

 

“I use sex to escape and met an occasional physical urge; sometimes I calculate equations while they finish” there is no shame in her words.

 

“Poor boys, how crushing.” it is irrational to feel victorious, but she does.

 

“I am not a talented lover, barely memorable I suspect.”

 

That’s not true, my love. You only did not know yourself well enough to judge, and others may not accept this.” Eryka corrects soothingly.

 

Elise stares blankly.

 

“I love you just the way you are, eccentrics and all. I don't care if you calculate equations or get distracted by prime numbers just do whatever makes you feel good and calm at the moment".

 

The adoration of a reformed terrorist should not mean so much. It does though, Elise learned to embrace the duel reality that is inherent in this experience.

 

Especially when the same reformed terrorist is making her feel so good and is doing things to her skin that will not leave marks but very distinct memories, while reciting passages of erotic poetry in her distinctly accented and precise French.

 

The difficulty is worthwhile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SWEDEN

 

_Without skill but with strength_

_You lifted me out of my grief—_

_Utterly calm_

_as one who knew_

_that to snatch a thing up_

_allows little bits_

_to drop away Johanna Ekström_

 

Eryka is proud of the poem she selects for this visit, it mirrors her sentiment precisely, and she tries to reflect this reality in the bookmark that she creates.

 

Elise is a person of a thousand silences.

 

Eryka is a virtual polyglot and can pick languages with ease, and she delights in learning the small micro expressions that give her lover’s voice.

 

For so long her skills were merely deployed in service to an ideology, not an identity and she finds the change invigorating. She is greedy to know anything about Elise, seeing her again is more than she deserves but she intends to make the most of every opportunity.

 

Elise's approval is measured out in the quickness of her movements and the stillness of her gaze.

 

Her uncertainty is in the rigidity of body posture and wild searching of the other person's face for context clues.

 

How she usually blurts inappropriate rejoiners when she is most tired, or there are more than 3 or 4 individuals in the room.

 

How she can go for hours quite comfortably without speaking, but you can tell her level of enjoyment in her task by some geometric shapes she contributes to the margin or by the occasionally humming of a French lullaby or a beat with her feet.

 

It is better to give a reason for any casual question you may ask instead of presuming that will be the icebreaker; facts are easier to digest.

 

The period between 5-6pm holds specialist significants for Elise and Manon because it is when the police commander goes most quiet and seeks solitude no matter where they are or what they may have planned for that time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ITALY

 

Elise is wearing a sundress.

 

 

Breaking with tradition Eryka places a quick instruction on the side of her latest book of poetry but she still half experts Elise to appear wearing the same shapeless garments she is most comfortable in without much or any concession to the change in climate.

 

"You look beautiful. Thank you for following my instructions." Eryka comments in French as she closes the door behind.

 

"It was not difficult. Laura is very talented at such things and seems pleased to help."

 

The colour and cut are excellent, done with an eye to flatter her best features. Eryka feels a stab of jealousy when she considers who selected this outfit for the younger women; the choice is made with a level of intimacy at knowledge. There is no way Elise chose this on her own.

 

Elise's hair is even styled differently from its usual generic persuasion into a more relaxed type of twist. The move exposes her high neck that could have formed the basis for a modeling career if that wouldn't have been a criminal waste of such unique and nimble mind.

 

She cannot ask.

 

Eryka is not in a position to offer a normal relationship so she cannot demand the rules of one exist by proxy for them. Elise can bring home a different man every night and Eryka would have to live with the thought. Oddly enough it hurts more than some of the more sickest choices she has had to make in her adult life.

 

It is a victory when Elise is the one to initiate the first kiss between them.

 

"I have missed you this time." the admission is soft and matter of fact but there is a thread of vulnerability underneath.

 

"I want to show you all the sights of Italy; there are so many places for you to visit."

 

"I want to have sex with you by the pool first and everywhere else," Elise says seriously, already kicking off her sandals.

 

"Direct and to the point as always, Commander."

 

"I can see the sights of Italy for less than 300 Euros. Spending time with you is a far rarer occurrence, therefore a much more efficient use of my day." Elise far from bashful as she moves directly to the bedroom.

 

The unofficial touch therapy in Amsterdam works wonders and increases Elise's real confidence immensely, and she seems to find genuine delight in the process. She physically relaxes and seems to enjoy being in her arms for extended periods of time.

 

Elise likes to trace the musculature of her limbs as if she is going to face a test on both the general names and her particular individual characteristics.

 

Elise enjoys hearing Eyrka switch between all the languages she knows, even if she doesn't understand the details.

 

 

_Love found me all disarmed and found the way_

_was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes_

_which have become the halls and doors of tears._

_It seems to me it did him little honour_

_to wound me with his arrow in my state_

_and to you, armed, not show his bow at all. Francesco Petrarca_

 

 

SPAIN

 

 

There is no happy ending for them.

 

Eryka is too committed to her mercenary’s brand of logic and justification, too damaged by the actions of brutal and indifferent power structures that wounded a brilliant mind and removed her only guiding force in her brother.

 

She is changing in her alliances if only in the most subtle ways. Her latest identity is her most stable and her contract work while still in the shadow roads, and illegal do not subscribe to the terrorist networks, both for personal reasons and the practicality, due to the latest changes in the geopolitical climate.

 

Eryka is even proud to form a brutally efficient underground network that dismantles the most influential child and sex trafficking rings in wider Europe.

 

She names the group after her brother and only recruits the most committed people who are psychologically stable. She funds the first few missions with her contacts in various Embassies and tacit approval from Olivier Pujol and his contacts.

 

As a late birthday present to her love she lets the Calais Taskforce take the credit, as Elise is settling in well to her role as Commander inspect of her interpersonal difficulties.

 

The hunt for her is less active now – her safeguards re in place with her old enemies and her enemies are too scorched to make the connection as yet.

 

For her part, Elise is content with their arrangement. She is not the type to settle into a conventional relationship; she only let down people when attempts that mold.

 

Meeting Eryka every three months and collecting rare books and exotic bookmarks work well enough for her.

 

Spain is beautiful, and the architecture is fascinating to draw especially the Antoni Gaudi churches.

 

She doesn’t complain when Eryka entrusts her with guardianship of an abused rare exotic breed kitten that is incidental in the raid on a Saudi Prince.

 

They name him Pablo

 

Elise even agrees to become an emergency safe house in the broad network. She finds the frightened children easy to deal with; they need routine and predictability as much as she does and for the most part, they avoid making excessive noise and messing with her possessions.

 

Karl helps her produce supplies that soothe their nightmares, but the best thing is often just sitting silently with them and making no sudden moves any directions.

 

She wonders if Manon would be pleased with the effort she is making and then Elise remembers that her sister was too young to form any distinctive character traits.

 

Eryka knows that her deadly chess game will not succeed forever, so she tries to provide Elise with as many permanent reminders of their time together as possible. To give her still reclusive partner something to hold on to, the last thing she wants or could bare if Elise retreats into herself and spends her live alone between cases.

 

It is a faint hope, but Elise has given her more hope than she ever thought possible.

 

 

_Te quiero no solo por como eres, sino por como soy yo cuando estoy contigo._

_I love you not only because of the way you are but because of the way I am when I am with you._

 

 

 


End file.
